Interviewer:
[to the audience] Good evening, and thanks for being with us. My guest tonight is His Radiant Majesty, Pharaoh Sobek-hotep-nesu of Abydos, Sovereign of Upper, Middle and Lower Egypt.
[to the pharaoh] You Living Image of Ra, let us jump straight to the heart of the matter. The Great Stone Pyramid you commissioned was completed in roughly twenty years. Independent observers are deeply concerned about the human cost. We are hearing reports of severe malnutrition amongst the workforce. How do you justify feeding the people who built your tomb nothing but radishes, onions and garlic?
Pharaoh:
[with a controlled smile] Let me say what a pleasure it is to be on your programme. It is a fantastic question, and I am incredibly proud of our record on food security. What we have done in the Nile Delta over the last decade is nothing short of a logistics miracle. We have completely streamlined the supply chains for root vegetables. No previous dynasty has ever achieved this level of consistency in garlic distribution. It is about delivery. We promised the people a robust, plant-based future, and we are delivering that vision right across the kingdom.
Interviewer:
[with still a polite but firm posture] Allow me to interrupt you there, Your Highness, a plant-based future is one thing, but malnutrition is quite another. My question was clear. People are starving on a diet of radishes while hauling two-tonne limestone blocks.
Pharaoh:
[nodding smoothly, entirely unfazed by the interruption] And that is precisely why we have opened up dialogue with the regional governors. When you look at the macro picture, the real issue here is stability. The opposition would love to see us halt the transport of limestone, which would absolutely devastate the local dragging economy. We are protecting jobs. By focusing on high-volume garlic output, we are ensuring that every single citizen feels part of this great national project. We are building a stronger, more resilient Egypt for everyone, not just the few.
Interviewer:
[with a grim, tight-lipped smile] Let us move on to the working conditions. Human rights groups estimate that your workforce is pulling twelve-hour shifts, seven days a week, in forty-degree heat. There are zero health and safety regulations on site. Why are there no mandatory rest breaks for the builders?
Pharaoh:
[with a barely perceptible breath of relief] I am glad you brought up hours, because flexible working is at the very core of our modern economic strategy. We have liberated the workforce from the rigid, traditional farming calendars of the past. Under my administration, a worker can engage with a block of granite at any hour of the day or night. It is a dynamic, highly agile environment. The people are incredibly passionate about infrastructure, and what we are seeing on the ground is a massive vote of confidence in our long-term plan.
Interviewer:
[with a flush of visible anger rising] But it is not flexible working if they are forced to do it at spearpoint, is it? We have seen evidence of copper whips being used to increase productivity on the main ramp. Are you denying that forced labour and physical violence are driving this project?
Pharaoh:
[completely ignoring his interlocutor] What the public really wants to talk about is the horizon. They want to look up at the sky and see a beautifully aligned apex that reflects the sun. They do not want to get bogged down in the minutiae of copper tools or the precise angle of the ramps. They want leadership. We have a clear, fully costed manifesto for the afterlife, and we are on track to hit our targets. The alternate choice is chaos, a return to the First Intermediate Period, and nobody wants that.
Interviewer:
[staring at the pharaoh in absolute disbelief] So you are completely ignoring the human cost? You have built a massive mountain of stone in record time by working thousands of your own citizens to an early grave, and you answer that the skyline looks nice?
Pharaoh:
[leaning forward] Let me be absolutely clear about this. My commitment to the skyline is unwavering. I have always said that the pyramid is a non-negotiable part of our levelling-up agenda. I am putting Abydos on the map. Future generations will look at my monument and they will not see arguments about rest breaks; they will see a shining example of public-private partnership. I have delivered a world-class burial facility on time and within budget, and that is a record I will happily take to the gods.
Interviewer:
[with a frosty, professional sigh] Pharaoh Sobek-hotep-nesu, thank you.
Pharaoh:
[with a mask of pleasant insincerity] May the Sun shine upon your ratings.
