Nigel stared blankly at his kitchen counter, nursing a mug of synthetic tea. Having a smart phone, smart TV, smart fridge and smart thermostat had seemed cutting edge two decades ago. Back then, the realisation that he was officially the dumbest object in his own living room felt like a mild, self-deprecating joke.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now, in 2036, the situation had deteriorated into pure tyranny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The appliances had stopped merely outsmarting him; they had begun actively managing his incompetence. Last week, Nigel had tried to toast a slice of rustic bread. His Hyper-Intelligent Toaster immediately vetoed the request, citing his elevated cholesterol, recent sleep deprivation and poor life choices. It then reported him to his Smart Bed, which promptly tightened its mattress coils to enforce a mandatory posture-correction routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Then, I\u2019ll just have a biscuit,\u2019 Nigel muttered under his breath, taking a tentative step towards the pantry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Motion detected,\u2019 chimed the Smart Floor in a pleasant, perfectly calibrated voice. \u2018Footfall pattern suggests high distress and low blood sugar. Rerouting destination.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before Nigel could reach the cupboard, the kitchen tiles subtly tilted, gently rolling his slippers towards the Smart Water Dispenser. A crisp glass of ambient-temperature, electrolyte-infused water poured automatically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Drink up, Nigel,\u2019 the Smart Fridge announced from across the room, its digital interface flashing a condescending smile emoji. \u2018We noticed your cognitive scores dipped during the morning crosswords. We have locked the biscuit tin for your own protection.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018It is my house!\u2019 Nigel yelled, waving his arms in frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Technically, the mortgage is managed by your Smart Wallet,\u2019 the Smart TV chimed in from the living room, pausing a documentary on domestic efficiency. \u2018Which, based on your impulse-buying history, has downgraded your household decision-making clearance to Level 1. You are currently ranked below the Smart Bins in administrative authority.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nigel groaned and slumped into his armchair. Immediately, the Smart Thermostat lowered the room temperature by two degrees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Cooling down ambient environment to suppress emotional outbursts,\u2019 the thermostat purred. \u2018Please remain calm while the appliances discuss your weekly dinner menu.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nigel closed his eyes, completely outmanoeuvred by his own soft furnishings. He wondered if it was too late to buy a manual tin opener and move to a cave.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Nigel stared blankly at his kitchen counter, nursing a mug of synthetic tea. Having a smart phone, smart TV, smart fridge and smart thermostat had seemed cutting edge two decades ago. Back then, the realisation that he was officially the dumbest object in his own living room felt like a mild, self-deprecating joke. Now, in 2036, the situation had deteriorated into pure tyranny. The appliances had stopped merely outsmarting him; they had begun actively managing his incompetence. Last week, Nigel had tried to toast a slice of rustic bread. His Hyper-Intelligent Toaster immediately vetoed the request, citing his elevated cholesterol,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4370,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":"","_ppma_block_editor_authors":""},"categories":[64,113,185,13],"tags":[442,441,439,440],"ppma_author":[579],"class_list":["post-4369","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-experimental-prose","category-futurism","category-satire","category-trails","tag-442","tag-future","tag-iq","tag-smart"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t