For one hundred forty-one years, historians have insisted that the Statue of Liberty is a statue. This is, frankly, embarrassing. Much like the ancient Greeks concealed a battalion inside a wooden horse to breach Troy, the aliens disguised a colossal warship within a copper statue to infiltrate Earth unnoticed. The evidence was there all along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Look closely at the photograph above. What appears to be a statue is actually the front section of a colossal interstellar vessel, disguised in the shape of a woman holding a flower. The so-called robe is not a robe. It is a thermal containment membrane. The crown is not a crown. It is an array of docking ports. The torch is neither a torch nor a flower. It is the ship\u2019s primary communications antenna. And that enormous face? That is not the face of a statue. That is the face of a very tired alien commander.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The discovery was made on a Tuesday, at teatime, by Sir Reginald Ph. Wobble, an amateur historian who had spent most of his adult life attempting to prove that the moon was \u2018probably a cupboard\u2019. While examining a high-resolution photograph, he noticed something deeply suspicious beneath the statue\u2019s chin. A hatch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He contacted the authorities until they told him to stop contacting them. So, Sir Reginald went to New York himself, armed with a magnifying glass, three cheese sandwiches and what he described as \u2018a perfectly reasonable quantity of dynamite\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to his notes, he reached the statue exactly at 2:14 in the morning. At 2:15, the statue blinked. Sir Reggie dropped the sandwiches. The crown began to rotate. The seven spikes unfolded like enormous metallic antennae and pointed towards the stars. A deep humming filled the harbour. The statue\u2019s robe peeled backwards in vast sheets of purple metal, revealing something impossible beneath: corridors. Thousands of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Inside those corridors stood the alien warriors; they were seven feet tall, purple, heavily armoured and extremely annoyed. Each wore a helmet shaped like a tiny version of the Statue of Liberty, they carried plasma spears and each had six elbows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The leader stepped forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018At last,\u2019 he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sir Reginald swallowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re aliens.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Obviously.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And this is a spaceship.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Basically.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And you\u2019ve been hiding here for over a century?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien commander looked offended.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Do you have any idea how difficult it is to run a fully military Op. while maintaining a convincing statue appearance?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sir Reggie admitted that he did not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien pointed towards the enormous folds of the ship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018These are not robes. They are armour plating. The pedestal is an antimatter reactor. The crown contains our navigation system. The torch is a wormhole generator.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wobble stared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018And the inscription?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien paused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Propaganda.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At that moment, every light in the harbour went out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Trojan UFO opened its enormous mouth. Yes. The statue had a mouth. Behind the lips was a hangar large enough to swallow an aircraft carrier. Inside were hundreds of smaller spacecraft, each shaped like an American tourist souvenir. Miniature bald eagles began pouring out. Nobody knows what their mission was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien commander raised his plasma spear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018For generations, we have waited,\u2019 he announced. \u2018We came to Earth disguised as a symbol of freedom so that nobody would suspect our true purpose.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What is your true purpose?\u2019 shouted Sir Reginald Wobble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien leaned closer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018We have come to steal the world\u2019s supply of custard.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Why?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien\u2019s six elbows trembled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Because on our planet, there is no custard.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This explained everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The aliens had travelled across twelve galaxies searching for the legendary yellow substance described in ancient Earth transmissions. Unfortunately, their intercepted broadcasts had been mostly episodes of British cookery programmes, so they had concluded that custard was the most valuable substance on Earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Therefore, their invasion plan was quite simple. Land in New York. Steal every packet of custard powder. Return home. Unfortunately for them, there was one final obstacle. Britain. The aliens had not accounted for Britain. Within hours, the news reached London. The Prime Minister was briefed. The military was alerted. The Royal Navy prepared for battle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then someone discovered that the aliens had parked the Trojan UFO directly beside a caf\u00e9. An official delegation was sent over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Good afternoon,\u2019 said the British officer in charge. \u2018How do you do?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Hello,\u2019 said the alien commander.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018You\u2019re invading Earth.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018We are.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Right.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was an awkward silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Care for a cup of tea?\u2019 asked the officer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien commander considered this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Does it contain custard?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018No.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Then no.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The officer sighed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Look, mate, you can\u2019t just come here and nick all our custard.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien warrior looked shocked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018But we have travelled 3,000 light years.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes, but that\u2019s not really our problem.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another awkward silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, the alien commander lowered his spear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Could we at least have a scone?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018With cream and jam?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Yes.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Custard?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The alien\u2019s eyes widened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Custard?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Custard.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The entire alien army fell to its knees. The war was over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Trojan UFO of Liberty remains in New York to this day, disguised once again as a statue. The alien warriors now operate a small tearoom beneath the harbour. They have become extremely popular with tourists. Every evening at sunset, the crown rotates. The torch glows. The statue\u2019s enormous face briefly opens one eye.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So if anyone tells you that the Statue of Liberty is merely a statue, do not believe them. The proof is right there in the photograph. It has a spaceship inside it. And, if you zoom in far enough, you can see aliens waving. And they are holding spoons.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For one hundred forty-one years, historians have insisted that the Statue of Liberty is a statue. This is, frankly, embarrassing. Much like the ancient Greeks concealed a battalion inside a wooden horse to breach Troy, the aliens disguised a colossal warship within a copper statue to infiltrate Earth unnoticed. The evidence was there all along.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4098,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[64,123,185,13],"tags":[248,247,245,246],"class_list":["post-4097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-experimental-prose","category-picks","category-satire","category-trails","tag-london","tag-new-york","tag-statue-of-liberty","tag-trojan-horse"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4097","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4097"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4097\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4102,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4097\/revisions\/4102"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4098"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4097"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4097"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/eurolit.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4097"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}