Tonight I must go to bad early.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not that I want to be naughty, you see, but my bed has simply lost its \u2018E\u2019. This leaves me with nothing but a wicked mattress and a pillow-of-sin situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Honestly, it\u2019s a nightmare. I tried to rest my weary head, but instead of sweet dreams, I had sweat dreams, tucked into a blanket of sheer malice. My alarm clock doesn\u2019t ring anymore; it just maliciously ticks down the seconds of my life. The sheets have an absolutely deplorable thread count, and even my pyjamas have turned completely wicked, trapping me in a straitjacket of stripes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked my duvet for comfort, but it just gave me the cold shoulder. The ceiling fan is plotting something, and I swear it\u2019s twirling its moustache. Don\u2019t get me started on the memory foam either. It remembers every single embarrassing thing I did and refuses to let me forget.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So yes, tonight I must go to bad early. I just hope tomorrow morning I can finally wake up on the right<\/em> side of the good bed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Tonight I must go to bad early. It\u2019s not that I want to be naughty, you see, but my bed has simply lost its \u2018E\u2019. This leaves me with nothing but a wicked mattress and a pillow-of-sin situation. Honestly, it\u2019s a nightmare. I tried to rest my weary head, but instead of sweet dreams, I had sweat dreams, tucked into a blanket of sheer malice. My alarm clock doesn\u2019t ring anymore; it just maliciously ticks down the seconds of my life. The sheets have an absolutely deplorable thread count, and even my pyjamas have turned completely wicked, trapping me in<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3853,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":"","_ppma_block_editor_authors":""},"categories":[64,13],"tags":[134],"ppma_author":[579],"class_list":["post-3852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-experimental-prose","category-trails","tag-bad-bed"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t